Orlesian Honey
by zedonkulouslybashful
Summary: Being an elf, Neria Surana didn't pay close enough attention in the Circle's instruction on human anatomy. She makes an awkward discovery that leads to Alistair feeling confused. Neria consults Zevran while Leliana questions Alistair on the sudden change. A second discovery and then some well-bought reagents lead to the Wardens' reconciliation. Rated M. NSFW. Please R&R.


**Disclaimer**: These are borrowed, Bioware-owned characters.

**Prompt**: dragonage - k ink . live journal 328 . ht ml ? thread = 225096 # t225096

**Notes**: The following contains some awkward. Discoveries can be, sometimes. Also, be warned, Tranquils give long, unrequested answers.

* * *

-1-

Neria could hear the others talking around the fire outside her tent. "So...they are distracted," she thought, with a wicked grin to herself. Lifting her head from Alistair's chest, she woke him with a whisper, "Alistair?"

"Huh-what?" he sputtered awake.

"Shh, shh. Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to...you know, take advantage of the opportunity." She gestured to the sealed tent opening with her head.

He was rubbing sleep from his eyes but stopped with the comprehension of what she was implying.

"Well. ...What did you have in mind?"

With a quick kiss on his cheek, she shimmied down their bedroll and relieved him of his smalls. Neria teased his stones with kisses, deeply sucking at times until his member was hard. She was slowly dragging her tongue down his length, massaging his balls, when she found a previously undiscovered entrance.

"_I have a hole with a nub, maybe humans do too_," she thought.

Neria deftly entered with her fingers and, indeed, found a nub. As she worked it, Alistair's cock throbbed in her mouth. He was bucking like he was about to release and his movements coincided with her touch. Still caressing his bulge, she quickened the pace on this mysterious spot.

Delirious, he gritted out, "What?- How?-" then, with a final buck and howl, his release coated the back of her throat.

The talking outside the tent stopped.

Unsure what to do, she swallowed. "_He never came from that before_," she thought, cognizant of her own wetness, "_I didn't even spark once..._"

Then she pulled her fingers out of the new territory. Suddenly, she smelled feces and recoiled. Quietly but harshly, she whispered, "ALISTAIR! What the fuck! Did you just shit?"

"WHAT? NO! YOU- YOU WERE-" Mortified, he pulled the blanket off of her. Neria realized the source of the smell and looked at Alistair both horrified and apologetically.

"I, I didn't know!"

Without saying anything, he handed her his smalls to wipe with and despondently reached for his pants. After dressing, he said, "I'm, um, I'm going to go for a walk. Please...don't wait up. I need to think."

Stunned, she watched him exit, confused by the turn of events.

-2-

The next morning, the fire was a messy pile of liquid ash. Sten and Shale were heaving the larger items into the cart and Bodahn was waiting to strap up the loose gear. Sandal was playing with Dog. Wynne was in the middle of some dissertation in the direction of the politely listening Leliana, who tried (and often failed) to interject. Zevran was eyeing Wynne's frame while Oghren cat-called at the far-removed, eye-rolling, cross-armed Morrigan.

No sign of Alistair.

"How are you this fine morning, my dear Warden?" asked Zevran. Neria didn't reply as she sat and poked the sloppy ash pile with a stick.

"Ahm, well, last night was interesting, no? Oghren was telling us a tale about Branka and, well, as it turns out, her lady lover. Would you like to hear it? I can fetch Oghren, of course, but I assure you, my rendition will involved much less belching."

"Zevran, you like men, right?" blurted Neria.

"Hm, well I, well, yes. And women, actually. Why...do you ask?"

She sighed, thought for a moment, then continued. "I...um, well, see Alistair..." She sighed again, then said, "I found this spot that, unless I use my fingers, I can't...reach...as a woman. ...And...he, uh, he seemed to...like it? A lot? ...And...well, I'm not sure what that means..."

"Say no more, my dear Warden. I must say, few women make this discovery at all. So you fear..." his question faded but she nodded all the same.

"Tell me, have you ever caught him leering at Sten?"

On hearing his title, Sten turned his attention to the conversation. "Kadan?"

"Nothing, Sten," she called. Then to Zevran, "No."

"How about Oghren?"

She looked at Oghren. Bored of annoying Morrigan, he was passed out over a log, hindquarters in the air, with drool matting his beard. With a chuckle, she said, "No."

"Not even me?" he asked, referencing himself, shaking his blond hair and donning a broad grin.

With a wry smile, she shook her head.

"Ah, well then, I would say not. But if you want confirmation, I will gladly ask if he prefers Oghren's chest hair over your voluptuous bosoms."

"Watch it, Zev," she warned with an appreciative chuckle.

-3-

Denerim was in sight, maybe another day's journey. While Neria was in the front of the caravan, Alistair seemed content to dawdle well behind everyone else. He hadn't spoke to her for three days. Alistair purposefully seemed to find things to do that didn't involve her, at best, or anyone, at worst.

Night watch alone. Hunting alone. Gathering alone. Baths alone. Sleeping...alone.

He wasn't himself. And Leliana was sad to see her two friends in clear distress.

"Alistair?"

"Go a-**way**."

"Alistair, come now. What's wrong? Did you and Neria have a fight?"

"No."

"Did you break up?"

Angrily, he spat, "I don't know! **Maybe!** Why do you care?" Not far from them, Morrigan smirked.

"Because you are my friends and...you seemed so happy. Something like that doesn't just end. So, tell me, what happened?"

Alistair paused, mouth opening and closing like a fish, then quickly asked, "Howdoyouknowifyouaregay?"

Morrigan choked on a laugh while Leliana asked him to repeat the question.

"How do you know if...you know... I mean, how did you know that you liked women?"

Morrigan's eyes widened at the knowledge she had long suspected and lengthened her stride, recalling all the times Leliana had wanted to go dress shopping with her.

"Ah, ha, Alistair. ...Both genders have their beauty. Tell me, when you look at Neria... Her adorable feet... Long legs... Perfect back side-"

Alistair gave her a "I get it" look and she stopped what she clearly wanted to continue. "Do you feel attracted?"

"...Yes...and?"

"Well. When you look at..." She looked around the party then elected to say, "a man... Broad shoulders... Lovely chest hair... De-lic-ious coc-"

"NO!"

"Okay then," she said with a smile. Alistair grabbed her elbow before she could report to Neria. "Leliana?"

"Yes?"

He was blushing furiously but made himself say, "The other day, she...did...something new. And I- I really, really, **REALLY** liked it. But, ah, it's uh...it's...messy? And..."

"Don't worry!" she said with a lighthearted laugh and quickened her pace to Neria.

Jogging to catch up with her, Leliana asked if they could take a break.

"What for? We've got a long way to go yet, Leli."

"It's a surprise. ...Um, do you have a spell that can repel bees?"

"Of course, it's just the reverse of summoning them."

Cat-like, Leliana said, "Excellent."

-4-

While everyone was having drinks at the tavern, Leliana abruptly announced, "Neria and I are going shopping!" and pulled Neria up before she could protest. Morrigan looked at both of them alarmed but then became contemplative and glanced at Alistair. Alistair, also somewhat alarmed, looked suspiciously at Leliana who returned his unasked question with wink and sly smile.

"May I come?" asked Shale.

"Certainly," replied Leliana cheerfully.

A bit flustered by all of this, Neria said, "O-kaaay. And what is it we are shopping _for_?"

"You'll see."

Stepping outside into the humid market air from the dim tavern jolted Neria's senses. Many people were out and about commercing despite the heat.

"This way," Leliana said and steered them around the corner.

As they approached their destination, Shale said, "The only 'wonder' of Thedas is how everything got to be so very brown."

Neria asked, "Wonders of Thedas? Is that a whorehouse?"

"Hm-hm. No, my friend. But it does have some helpful items in stock sometimes," giggled Leliana. "Let me show you."

"Do they have anything shiny in there?" asked Shale.

"...They do, in fact. Come, this way."

-5-

Inside the shop, Shale feigned a gasp and said, "Does it think they might have a chisel strong enough to chip my stone? I doubt it."

Ignoring Shale, Leliana marched Neria up to the tranquil shopkeep.

"Welcome to the Wonders of Thedas. We carry items crafted by the Circle, as well a variety of antiquities. Is there anything you'd like to see?"

Taken aback, Neria asked, "Crafted by the Circle? Mages make this stuff?"

"Some do," he replied in monotone, "but most items are made by the Formari, like myself. Mages who complete their training choose their professional concentration and create items for sale. Most become herbalists. Herbalists mix reagents to create potions, poultices, salves, balms, elixirs, and other mixtures. The Formari tend to be rune smiths, enchanters, or scribes. Rune smiths make runes that enchanters use with lyrium to imbue items with enhanced capabilities. Scribes write tomes on a variety of topics spanning from histories to cartography to trap specifications to recipes. Profits are exchanged for needed supplies, such as food. Food is used to sustain the body-"

Leliana interrupted, "Do you have a recipe for Orlesian Honey?"

"Yes," he said, simply. Both women exhaled their relief at his short answer.

"How much?" Neria asked, skeptically.

"Fifty sovereign."

Eyes wide, Neria faced Leliana. Without hesitation, Leliana extracted the arrows from her quiver and turned it upside down. A flask of honey and a heavy coin purse toppled out. She untied the purse and began counting.

Amazed, Neria stammered, "What are you doing? And how did you get all that gold?"

The shopkeep turned to retrieve the tome containing the recipe. Once found, he settled down the counter from them and began writing their future copy.

"I have my ways," she said, mysteriously.

"Right... But what are you doing?"

"Getting you a belated Feast Day gift."

"Leli..."

"What? Oh, come now, Neria. I'm an archer! I have to retrieve my arrows and...when I retrieve them...I find many things. Shale has been lovely about carrying all that I can't. And, well," dropping her voice to a whisper with a quick glance down the counter, "being a cut-purse is among my more useful skills as a Bard."

Amused, Neria said, "I thought you _were_ a Bard," crossing her arms.

With a shrug, Leliana said, "Some habits..."

-6-

Shale was delighted with her new crystals. "They don't make me look any wider, do they? I find I am already too wide as it is."

Neria and Leliana gave each other a knowing look and said to Shale in chorus, "No, Shale" and snickered. Shale didn't notice. Consumed by how she now glittered in the fading sunshine, Shale thunderously skipped away without them.

Before returning to the tavern, Leliana bought several silk scarves and scented oils from Liselle, the Orlesian merchant. She and Liselle had many reminiscences about Val Royeaux before Neria pulled her away.

Without Neria realizing it, Leliana had planted the honey flask, some of the oils, and a few scarves on Neria before she sat down at their table in the tavern. Feeling them in her robes, she gestured for Leliana's attention, who, at that moment was whispering to Alistair.

Alistair blushed and Leliana smiled wickedly as she sauntered to the bar. "_Mission accomplished_," she thought.

Leliana was returning to the table with drinks. As Neria passed her, she said, "It's not a complicated recipe but the spell-work is...interesting. Where the hell am I supposed to do this?"

"Down the hall, second door on the left."

"You're amazing."

"Why, thank you," she replied, a pleased sparkle in her eye. "I told Alistair to meet you in that room for a surprise after I tell a few stories." Then, loud enough so all the guests took notice, Leliana asked, "Any requests? Aveline the Brave? Flemeth and Her Daughters?"

At this, Morrigan glared at Leliana and stalked out into the evening air. Leliana's distraction allowed Neria to slip away too.

Neria formed the viscous material according to the instructions and cast a small fire spell to set it in place. The result was flexible and she hoped its shape would satisfy Alistair. It was two fingers wide and six knuckle joints long, with an overall slight curve to it when stood on its base. Neria added some filigree ridges on its length to be festive.

She still had some of the honey mixture left. The recipe suggested "making temporary coverings for the apparatus" to aid in clean up. Remembering what started all of this, she also elected to make temporary gloves.

"_This stuff is versatile_," she thought.

Satisfied with her work, Neria tied the scarves around the base and then tied it onto herself. A little embarrassed, she removed it. "_...I'll light candles so he doesn't see how awkward this thing looks_," she decided.

Neria cleared the bathroom counter and washed up. Then she laid the scarf-tied "apparatus", its coverings, a pair of her temporary gloves, and the scented oils on the night stand. Self-consciousness welling up in her again, she took a spare scarf from her pocket and covered everything on the night stand up with it.

Snapping her fingers to light the candles around the room, she surveyed everything one last time before returning to the basin to freshen up.

-7-

Alistair knocked on the door. "It's unlocked," Neria called. He tentatively poked his head in the door then entered the room.

Dabbing her neck dry with a cloth, she came around the corner from the suite's bathroom. She stopped short when she saw him and nervously said, "Hi."

"Hi," he returned, equally nervous.

"So...how have you been?"

His express darkened, "Truthfully...it's been _awful_."

Her head tilted with concern and she approached him. He didn't shy away like she feared he would. She touched his cheek. He leaned into it and kissed her palm.

"I've missed you," she said.

"I've missed you too."

Standing on tip-toes, she hugged his neck and he embraced her waist.

Pulling back, she said, "I made you something."

"Leliana said you had a surprise for me."

"I do but, you have to promise to not look. It...it looks funny on me."

"It?"

She blushed and tossed the wash cloth aside. "Just...lay down on the bed, cross-wise. And clothes off." then added, "Please."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a mock salute and a smile.

They each disrobed. Alistair stole peeks at her form and she grinned when she caught him doing so. "Belly up or down?" he asked.

"Up," she replied and he obliged. Neria crawled on the bed and nudged his legs apart. He tilted his head quizzically but she just blew him a kiss. Alistair shrugged while she reached across him to the night stand. One of her breasts lightly grazed his chest as she leaned and his member stiffened slightly in response. "_Leliana is a good friend_," he thought and looked in Neria's eyes tenderly.

She put the spare scarf over his face while she tied her new equipment back on and put the protective covering on it. Then, remembering the disregarded wash cloth, she retrieved it and laid it over his stomach. He tried to peek but she batted his hand. Next, she put a temporary glove on one hand and cast a grease spell onto it. She slathered the grease on her new appendage and on his length. He groaned appreciatively.

"Can you bend your knees?" she asked, sweetly. Still playing along, he did so but not without another failed attempt to peek. She dipped the tip into his entrance and thrust a couple times. Then she put her gloved hand on his cock...and the other on his bulge.

Nothing stopped him from removed the scarf. "Did you grow another-"

"Don't look," she said, self-consciously. It was too late. "What is that-" he tried to ask. She thrust quickly and squeezed his genitals. He gasped, then panted, "Keep...**doing that!**" She did for a few stokes then scooted them back so her feet were on the floor. With the new leverage, she increased her tempo and depth.

His thrashing nearly dislodged her a few times but she was relentless. Sweat beading at her lower back, she was surprised to feel her wetness spark a bit from watching him.

When he released, it sprayed a bit in his chest hair but most landed on the wash cloth. It was **A LOT**.

Panting happily with a slight sheen of sweat on his features, he said, "That. Was. _**AWESOME**_!"

She grinned broadly then asked, "Alistair, can you reach one of those oil spritzers and have it at the ready? Which ever scent you'd prefer." He stretched his arm and grabbed the lavender and lyrium one. "Where did you get _this_ one? I'd think it would be illegal."

"Ha, it might very well be!" she laughed, then, as an explanation stated, "Leliana."

"Ah, I see."

"Okay, ready? Spray that as I exit. 1...2...3!"

She covered the slight mess with her gloved hand and peeled off the covering and the glove in a dexterous motion as Alistair sprayed the scented oil liberally into the air.

Amused, she said, "You should wash up," pointing out his sticky-in-spots chest hair.

"No one is perfect," he said, also amused, then asked, "Join me?"

"Absolutely."

She untied the scarves of their new toy with one hand and lead the way to the bathtub they would share.


End file.
